Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
