Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
