That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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