Just fell off a train. Bad.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
