someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize