Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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