I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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