I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
