So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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