i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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