I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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