Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Two words: nipple clamps
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