So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
