I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
