My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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