I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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