im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
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drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
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we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
soo... how was my night?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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