I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
