the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
