She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
