im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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