she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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