I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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