I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
