oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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