why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize