i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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