I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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