forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
