So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
