I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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