why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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