I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
