FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
