sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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