just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize