Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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