I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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