I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
