I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
