He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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