there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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