Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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