i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
