Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
All I want is dick and wine.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
