kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
