i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
