did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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