Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
