He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Randomize
