New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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