white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
