at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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