Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
