I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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