She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
