are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
