Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
