He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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