So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
