My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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