I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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